Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.

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  (512): i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th. http://tfl.nu/3s5y
  Replies (9) Good night (2608) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?

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  (732): is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side? http://tfl.nu/sml7
  Replies (97) Good night (828) Bad night (2429) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.

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  (917): I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads. (917): Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful. http://tfl.nu/kyyh
  Replies (23) Good night (7245) Bad night (568)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007

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  (443): i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007 http://tfl.nu/tyl3
  Replies (19) Good night (6481) Bad night (1414) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"

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  (918): I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn" http://tfl.nu/8vnd
  Replies (20) Good night (911) Bad night (5380) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.

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  (503): Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter. http://tfl.nu/kpej
  Replies (15) Good night (5170) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.

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  (650): I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it. http://tfl.nu/8v3x
  Replies (5) Good night (3994) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.

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  (615): You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea. http://tfl.nu/dzpq
  Replies (4) Good night (1064) Bad night (3955) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.

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  (330): He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville. http://tfl.nu/qtz6
  Replies (7) Good night (940) Bad night (1724)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.

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  (910): He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that. http://tfl.nu/o050
  Replies (3) Good night (2671) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?

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  (425): Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios? http://tfl.nu/2jhx
  Replies (11) Good night (380) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.

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  (636): I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way. http://tfl.nu/f0qk
  Replies (3) Good night (835) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.

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  (402): I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off. http://tfl.nu/dyhi
  Replies (2) Good night (914) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.

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  (609): Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him. http://tfl.nu/iwv9
  Replies (2) Good night (925) Bad night (283) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun

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  (630): All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun http://tfl.nu/y2l0
  Replies (6) Good night (1874) Bad night (310)

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