The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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