i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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