i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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