literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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