it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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