He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
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all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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