so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize