This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize