shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
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When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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