Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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