I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize