either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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