And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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