the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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