One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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