my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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