My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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