Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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