When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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