She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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