I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize