you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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