I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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