We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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