I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize