sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
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Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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