Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
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what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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