somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh god it's open bar.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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