due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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