Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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