last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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