Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize