i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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