Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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