just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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