there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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