i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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