If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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