is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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