she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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