as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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