If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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