I wish my penis had an off switch
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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