Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
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It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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