i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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