i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No subtext here. People are naked.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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