Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
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I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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