last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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