yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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